Comedy Monologues Guaranteed To Have Your Audience Helpless With Laughter!
Internationally recognised comedians write you one minute comedy monologues you just rehearse and perform!
From Paul Lock, March 2007
Dear Aspiring Comic or nervous speech maker,
If you want to
- get laughs just like a professional comedian
- deliver sharply observed comedy monologues that you can make your own
- have your audience literally begging for more,
then read on.
You've spent hours, days even, searching the internet for funny one minute comedy monologues, jokes and stand up material.
I know I did.
But everywhere I looked, all I could find were the same old jokes and old fashioned 1930s monologues.
What I wanted was fresh, original comedy monologues written for today's audiences - one minute comedy monologues or comedy skit scripts that could be delivered by amateur comedians, auditioning actors, nervous Best Men - or Best Women.
Jokes and stand up material that were guaranteed to get laughs.
Yet there was nothing apart from 'How to be a comedian' books and quaint 1930s stuff I couldn't even pronounce!
Then the penny dropped. What if there were lots of people just like me looking for comedy skit scripts? Comedy Monologues for Girls, Comedy Monologues for Women, even Comedy Monologues for Teens. Perhaps I could create a website offering the perfect solution for ANYONE who wants to perform but hasn't got the time to write their own Scripts to Stand up Comedy Routines.
'Yeah right' - said my inner voice - 'You're such a great comedy writer, you couldn't fail'.
Well ok, I'm no comedy writer BUT I come from a family of performers. My brother Sean Lock is a well known UK comedian.
So if I couldn't do it myself, I knew professional comedy writers who could.
"That's When I Met 'Off The Kerb',
One Of The UK's Leading Comedy Agencies"
Off the Kerb are Sean's agents. They loved the idea of a monologue website and when I met them I knew they had the people to write my comedy monologues.
Why? Because they represent some of the best known and successful comedians around, including Lee Evans, Jack Dee and Rich Hall.
And between them, whether contributing tried and tested material, or writing specifically for you, they've created what's probably the internet's best resource for finding a comedy monologue for you to perform.
These are professional comedians. They make their living by delivering laughs, night after night, in town after town, for audience after audience. Now they are offering you a chance to draw from that well of experience.
We're talking about internationally recognised comedians who have honed their skills writing and performing for film, TV and radio as well as years spent learning their craft in clubs and theatres.
Our writers have performed sell-out shows at the world famous Edinburgh Festival. They have countless television and radio credits to their names and many of them have performed extensively on the international comedy circuit - our head writer has recently performed at both the Montreal Just for Laughs festival and the HBO Comedy Arts Festival in Colorado.
And crucially, we've approached only comics who steer clear of "Blue" material. I'm no prude - there's a time and a place for everything - but I've selected only routines that are appropriate for every occasion - or at least every occasion when it's appropriate to laugh at all!
Now, To Launch Our New Site They're Releasing Some Of Their Best Material For You To Perform
Imagine having
- Five brilliantly crafted and very funny 1 minute comedy monologues that you can customise to your own country, region, personality and style
- An instant headstart on other comedy hopefuls - you just rehearse the material, perform and wait for the phone to STOP ringing!
- Material that's suitable for any audience - teenagers, Christians, families, students, clubs
- Material that's been tested on professional British comedy agency, Off-the-Kerb who represent stars such as Lee Evans, Jack Dee and Rich Hall
- Enough achingly funny material that allows you to extend your monologues to as long as you like.
Just think what you could do with all of that!
Now, you can get the same reception the professionals get with our unique Comedy Monologue Kit.
You Get 5 Unique And Original Comedy Monologues That Can Be Performed By Men, Women, Teenagers, Anyone..
 That's right. Five fresh, tested and topical one minute comedy monologues or comedy skit scripts that you can just rehearse and perform. They'll be suitable for amateur nights, speeches, stag and hen nights and weddings.
Your monologues will be about:
"Going to the Cinema" - ideal if you suspect that the upholsterers at your cinema are in league with the local chiropractor. "Intelligent, supremely well-composed. Observational comedy at it's very best."
Dan Rider, The Scotsman
"The Lunacy of Labels and Instructions" - for anyone who has ever wondered just who needs to be told that the Silica Gel included in their new stereo was not intended as a handy little snack. "Very skilful, distinctly funny, delightfully sarcastic."
Time Out
"The Menace of Male Grooming" - for anyone who's only response to being asked his skin type is, "all over" "Sublime"
William Cook, The Guardian
"Kids and Traffic"- a discourse questioning just what is a suitable retaliation to a child caught stuffing an empty snack wrapper in your front hedge. "Absolutely brilliant"
Caroline Aherne aka 'Mrs Merton'.
"Visit to London" - the only place where you need a mortgage for a cup of coffee. "Dryer than the Kalahari"
Steve Bennet, Chortle'.
You don't get reviews like that overnight. Our writers have been honing their comedy craft for years.
But successful comedy isn't just about the material. Performing comedy is an art in itself.
With untested, amateur material, that's a tall order.
But with our Comedy Monologues, you'll have seasoned comedy professionals working behind the scenes to give you the best possible chance of success.
Imagine that! Your own professional writers creating material that's been tested and approved by the toughest judges on the planet - the comedians' agents (they've seen it all) and the international comedy club audience.
So What Is The Comedy Monologue Kit
And What Do You Get?
* Instant access to five unique, professionally written, one and two minute comedy monologues, tested and approved by professional comedy agents
* Our exclusive monthly "Laughletter" full of comedy news, jokes, stand up material and comedy tips.
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL!
KILLER BONUS 1
As Well As Your Comedy Monologues, You'll Get "Comedy Star Secrets - Insider Tips On How To Perform Comedy Skits And Monologues" - Value $47
There are two vital ingredients in the professional comedian's armoury - great material and performing technique.
With your monologues you'll have the material and with Comedy Star Secrets you'll have indispensible insider tips on how to win your audience's confidence, deal with hecklers, create a persona, master the art of timing, use a microphone like a natural and keep your nerve.
Commissioned and approved by 'Off The Kerb', this is an invaluable insight into the professional comedian's craft. It was written to capture the collective experience and skills of Off The Kerbs comedians. It covers:
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1. Physicality and body language. How you hold your shoulders can tell the world a lot. How you hold someone else's shoulders can tell them even more.
2. Dress sense. Why wearing a Homer Simpson tie won't necessarily make you any funnier.
3. Owning your material, and the emotion behind it. A more effective a way to win over your audience than shrugging apologetically when you don't get the laugh you were hoping for.
4. Timing. Not as mysterious as they would have you believe. Just stop talking once in a while. Well, there is a bit more to it than that, but it's not rocket science. Although like rocket science, it can be taught.
5. Developing a persona. This does not need to involve a large stick-on moustache or the uniform of the clergy/judiciary/military. Usually, it's just you with the volume cranked a bit. Again, everything you need to know is here.
6. Props. What to use, when, why (or more usually, why not) and how.
7.The key to microphone technique and voice control. Mastery of the (very limited) tools of the trade is vital to gain the confidence of your audience. We tell you everything you need to know. Without shouting.
8. How to deal with hecklers. Like spiders, they are more afraid of you than you are of them. Unlike spiders, you will need more than a matchbox to deal with them, but not much more. It's all here.
9. Learning your material and rehearsing. There are people who can recite the Iliad from memory. Believe us, you can learn a couple of pages of gags without too much bother.
10. Keeping your nerve. Or more accurately, keeping off the Scotch.
11. Set structure. How to control the ebb and flow, build to a climax and get off before it's too late.
12. Know the enemy. Playing to your nearest and dearest at your Dad's 60th is a whole different ball game to getting a room of drunken jocks onside at the local football club. So do bear the audience in mind. |
With five professionally crafted comedy monologues and the unique Comedy Star Secrets book, you'll have the tools and techniques you need to get guaranteed laughs.
What do you think that's worth? Five professionally written comedy monologues and Insider Performance Tips gleaned from some of the world's top comedians? It's hard to price such a unique product but at a conservative estimate, it's got to be worth at least $1000.
After all, professional comedy writers aren't cheap - they're a rare breed.
Well the good news is that you won't have to pay anything like that.
Buy now and all you'll pay is $47!
KILLER BONUS 2
Sign Up Now And Get A Free Monologue Too!
We're adding a free monologue for the first 50 people to sign up. Yes, a free one minute comedy monologue - 'Old Flames'.
If you've ever ended a relationship, you'll know how satisfying it is to get the last word - with 'Old Flames' you get the last laugh too - Value $200+
Try The Comedy Monologue Kit Risk-free With No Commitment
We're so convinced you'll love our Comedy Monologue Kit that we guarantee it. If, for any reason, you're not satisfied, you can return the monologues for a full refund and keep both your bonuses.
So you get:
-
Five professionally written comedy monologues - value $1,000+
-
Comedy Star Secrets - Insider Tips On How To Perform Comedy Skits And Monologues - value $47
-
A Free Bonus Monologue 'Old Flames' if you sign up now - value $200+
A Combined Value Of $1,247+
For Just $47, Risk-Free,
Get the "The Comedy Monologue Kit" right now for only $47 and get Comedy Star Secrets - Insider Tips On How To Perform Comedy Skits And Monologues (value $47) PLUS an hilarious bonus one minute comedy monologue FREE (value over $200).
On my Secure Server for only $47. Judging from the feedback from our other clients and the reception they've received, I am certain that you will benefit from this service. But if you're not 100% satisfied, you can cancel at any time and keep all your bonuses.
"The Comedy Monologue Kit" instantly downloaded to your computer! No shipping charges and no waiting! Get your Comedy Star Secrets e-book, your bonus monologue and your five monologues now and start rehearsing! Don't wait any longer to get those laughs!
Have fun and good luck with your performance - let me know how you get on.
Sincerely,
Paul Lock
www.comedy-monologues.com
P.S. If for any reason, at any time, you are not 100% satisfied and you decide to cancel, you can return the comedy monologues for a full refund and keep the bonuses.
P.P.S. I know that these monologues work. I have seen them performed myself several times. All you need to do is follow the Comedy Star Secrets, rehearse and perform. You'll be amazed at how well the audience reacts. Just remember to keep your feet on the ground!
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